Your fears can be minimized if you deal with them properly. Fear is
an emotion. Emotions come wholly from within, the subconscious, and have only the strength we allow them, under normal, everyday
circumstances. As human beings, we enjoy the possession of an
intellect, and it is the intellect, as well as - and with - the
emotions that needs to be the guiding force of our lives, if we are
to know any measure of happiness. Emotions are the color of life; we would be drab creatures indeed without them. But we must direct those emotions or they will control us. This is particularly true of the emotion of fear, which if allowed to take over reduces all of us to trembling shadows of men.
Most people have this mistaken belief that many of the things they
fear are supposed to be feared... that it's normal to fear them.
Rubbish!
This emotion is possibly the single biggest killer of success and
opportunity in humans. I personally can remember 100's of situations and people that I was afraid of. And it stopped me in my tracks every time I thought about the horrible rotten things that could befall me... wild, ridiculous imaginings.
It's true that there are many things that we should have a healthy
fear of. If you don't, you could be killed or meet any number of
other nasty fates.
But usually the things we fear are the exact situations that would
give us the most incredible, exciting, life changing experiences of
our lives.
For example, take asking someone out on a date. If they said no, you may look at yourself in a more realistic light and oh... let's say,
start getting in shape or considering the signals you are putting
out, or any number of other ways to be more attractive.
Instead, most people never ask and they just accept that they are
less... not good enough.
Maybe you don't even care about changing. There are most definitely throngs of people who would like you just the way you are. You... just the way you are. But fear keeps you from going to the places that you'd meet; from approaching the person who catches your fancy.
Every single time you say no to something in life there are only a
few possible reasons for it...
1)You're completely drained/tired and you just couldn't. Sometimes
the timing is just wrong.
2)You're simply too busy (or you think you are) or it's too late.
True, there are only 24 hours in a day. But you probably have more
time than you think.
3)You're afraid of the implications it would have on your life or
your self-image.
Number 3 is the most common.
Starting today, listen to the voice inside your head. Whenever you
see people doing something fun or if you're asked to participate in
something, if you're tempted to say no, STOP.
Listen to the "because" in your head.
No, because... and look at the reasons you come up with. They're
likely all fear based. You must do this if you're to overcome some of
the big obstacles in your way. Listen to the "because". Then start
poking holes in it.
Think "Yes" and then list the "because". List them all. Take it way
far out.
In the case of the dating example, you could come up with lots
of "Yes… because". Here are a couple "for instances".
They could say yes...
1) We could have a great time... laugh, dance, talk all night, make another date...
2) Marriage, kids, grandkids... though that's a way bit premature – though quite common!
3) I would feel great.
4) The day would be that much richer
5) I could learn so much about life and love.
They could say no... 1) I could start overhauling my confidence levels
2) I might stop smoking
3) I may consider stopping some other obnoxious habit
4) I would be convinced he/she is an idiot
5) I could think, "Next!"
6) I could buy a book about how to communicate well.
7) The pain could start me on a mission to find out what makes those "other" people tick and I'd learn mountains
8) If I do 7, ALL my relationships could improve.
And I'm sure there's more. The point is this. Every single experience you could have, whether it works out how you'd like it to or not, is valuable to you... if you choose to look at them as learning experiences and as opportunities to grow.
You must value growing in order to be able to look at things this way... and to be an action oriented person. Life is challenging no matter what you do.
So why not go for the challenges that may have a trophy at the end... an experience to remember forever, a thrill, a laugh, a chance to learn, potential for greater intimacy.
You choose the benefit. That's what the short example above illustrates. You figure out what you'd get. One thing is for sure. You'd get a LOT by blasting right through your fears. But you have to be "benefit-focused" to get the benefits. So don't just read this post.
Do something. Do something you fear a little bit, or even a lot. It is often helpful to write down all the benefits if it turns out the way you want AND if it doesn't. There are enormous benefits either way. You start to learn win/win in life.
an emotion. Emotions come wholly from within, the subconscious, and have only the strength we allow them, under normal, everyday
circumstances. As human beings, we enjoy the possession of an
intellect, and it is the intellect, as well as - and with - the
emotions that needs to be the guiding force of our lives, if we are
to know any measure of happiness. Emotions are the color of life; we would be drab creatures indeed without them. But we must direct those emotions or they will control us. This is particularly true of the emotion of fear, which if allowed to take over reduces all of us to trembling shadows of men.
Most people have this mistaken belief that many of the things they
fear are supposed to be feared... that it's normal to fear them.
Rubbish!
This emotion is possibly the single biggest killer of success and
opportunity in humans. I personally can remember 100's of situations and people that I was afraid of. And it stopped me in my tracks every time I thought about the horrible rotten things that could befall me... wild, ridiculous imaginings.
It's true that there are many things that we should have a healthy
fear of. If you don't, you could be killed or meet any number of
other nasty fates.
But usually the things we fear are the exact situations that would
give us the most incredible, exciting, life changing experiences of
our lives.
For example, take asking someone out on a date. If they said no, you may look at yourself in a more realistic light and oh... let's say,
start getting in shape or considering the signals you are putting
out, or any number of other ways to be more attractive.
Instead, most people never ask and they just accept that they are
less... not good enough.
Maybe you don't even care about changing. There are most definitely throngs of people who would like you just the way you are. You... just the way you are. But fear keeps you from going to the places that you'd meet; from approaching the person who catches your fancy.
Every single time you say no to something in life there are only a
few possible reasons for it...
1)You're completely drained/tired and you just couldn't. Sometimes
the timing is just wrong.
2)You're simply too busy (or you think you are) or it's too late.
True, there are only 24 hours in a day. But you probably have more
time than you think.
3)You're afraid of the implications it would have on your life or
your self-image.
Number 3 is the most common.
Starting today, listen to the voice inside your head. Whenever you
see people doing something fun or if you're asked to participate in
something, if you're tempted to say no, STOP.
Listen to the "because" in your head.
No, because... and look at the reasons you come up with. They're
likely all fear based. You must do this if you're to overcome some of
the big obstacles in your way. Listen to the "because". Then start
poking holes in it.
Think "Yes" and then list the "because". List them all. Take it way
far out.
In the case of the dating example, you could come up with lots
of "Yes… because". Here are a couple "for instances".
They could say yes...
1) We could have a great time... laugh, dance, talk all night, make another date...
2) Marriage, kids, grandkids... though that's a way bit premature – though quite common!
3) I would feel great.
4) The day would be that much richer
5) I could learn so much about life and love.
They could say no... 1) I could start overhauling my confidence levels
2) I might stop smoking
3) I may consider stopping some other obnoxious habit
4) I would be convinced he/she is an idiot
5) I could think, "Next!"
6) I could buy a book about how to communicate well.
7) The pain could start me on a mission to find out what makes those "other" people tick and I'd learn mountains
8) If I do 7, ALL my relationships could improve.
And I'm sure there's more. The point is this. Every single experience you could have, whether it works out how you'd like it to or not, is valuable to you... if you choose to look at them as learning experiences and as opportunities to grow.
You must value growing in order to be able to look at things this way... and to be an action oriented person. Life is challenging no matter what you do.
So why not go for the challenges that may have a trophy at the end... an experience to remember forever, a thrill, a laugh, a chance to learn, potential for greater intimacy.
You choose the benefit. That's what the short example above illustrates. You figure out what you'd get. One thing is for sure. You'd get a LOT by blasting right through your fears. But you have to be "benefit-focused" to get the benefits. So don't just read this post.
Do something. Do something you fear a little bit, or even a lot. It is often helpful to write down all the benefits if it turns out the way you want AND if it doesn't. There are enormous benefits either way. You start to learn win/win in life.
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